I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
