What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
