I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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