i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
