Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize