I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
