How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
