been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize