i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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