I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
