you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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