you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to cum in my sink.
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