is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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