If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
