question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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