Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
