Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
