So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In America we eat man semen.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
