Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
