Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
