If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
