I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You took a bar mat shot.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
