at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
