I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
