i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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