I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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