so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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