haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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