Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
