HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
