We need to rekindle our bromance
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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