Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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