I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
