sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
