Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
