Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
