yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
