there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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