Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
