Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
