I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
