so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
