Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
