i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sober January is a disaster.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
