we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize