If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
