I puked a lego.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
