hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize