i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
