just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
