It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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