she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize