I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
