Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize