can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize