Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
