pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
