She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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