in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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