I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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