yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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