Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
