wakey wakey hands off snakey
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
