Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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