Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
