Don't you send me to vm
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
