absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
