So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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