There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
