He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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