i permit you to call me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
